Painful, Horrible, Terrible Things Part # 2
14. When you willingly pay your own hard-earned money to have someone else tear hair from your body, and you suspect it’s because of the patriarchy, but you do it anyway.
15. When your tights start riding lower and lower and lower until you’re pretty sure the crotch is lower than your dress. But you’re in polite company so you can’t actually check, and adopt a kind of wide stance like an action hero to stop it going any lower.
16. When you get gassy on your period but also have to go to work. And you let out a stinky silent one. And just walk away from it and hope it gets blamed on someone else because a nice, pretty lady could never have produced that monster, surely.
17. Trying to peel some dry skin off your lip and just taking out a whole chunk of flesh instead. RIP lip.
18. Going on a date and realising you have a massive random spikey chin hair – like a three-inch-long monster – and there’s nothing you can do about it until you find a bathroom. Has your date noticed? Probably.
19. Getting your hair trapped in a seatbelt.
20. When you roll up a pad and put it in the bin in a shared house, but then you come back later and it’s somehow unfurled itself, broken free of the toilet paper shroud you wrapped it in, and is now RIGHT THERE ON DISPLAY in all its bloodied glory.
21. Cleaning your bum in the shower and finding one long head hair in your crack.
22. And pulling it out and realising it’s attached to another one.
23. And another.
24. And then doing a deeper search and finding a whole mystery hairball. How long have you been there, mystery hairball? No one will ever know.
25. Getting an eyelash directly on your eyeball.
26. When you think you’ve removed all your makeup, but the next morning you find a long, stringy black goopy thing in your eyeball. You pull it out and it just keeps coming and coming out of its hiding place in your eye socket.