25 Signs You Spend Too Much Time On the Internet

Nunbrew · 12-20-2011, 11:21 AM

01. Whenever you find a penny or dollar bill, you hear that “Congratulations! You’ve won!” voice inside your head.
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02. The prospect of any phone conversation provokes an unreasonable level of anxiety.
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03. You just steal shit when you’re bored.
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04. You know where your high school best friend’s former roommate’s gorgeous ex-girlfriend goes for the summers (Nantucket. Her cousin Becky is kind of terrible though, you can tell).
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05. You find the concept of paying for pornography endearing.
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06. You’ve had multiple conversations with friends speculating about the sexuality of someone you haven’t seen since you were six.
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07. You’ve forgotten that watching TV on the TV used to be, like, a thing.
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08. You have a legit panic attack when you can’t reconnect to your WiFi network.
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09. You’ve seen all of “Felicity” despite never enjoying a single episode.
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10. You hate Jeff Dunham way more than he even deserves.
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11. Going to the movies counts as having a “break from technology”.
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12. The phrase “follow me” does not even remotely invoke thoughts of physical movement.
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13. You send emotionally complex, romantically tinged messages by “Like”-ing shit on Facebook.
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14. You know far less about the Mayor of your city than you do about the Mayor of your local Panera Bread on FourSquare.
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15. You think a beautiful sunset lighting up the New York skyline on a November evening just looks like a shitty desktop background.
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16. You treat people who say they don’t have Facebook as if they have a horrible illness that you have to do your best to appear optimistic about.
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17. You haven’t been on a date in months, but you do have a really messy, emotional shitshow “friends with benefits” situation going on in Second Life.
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18. The words “LiveJournal” or “Xanga” bring up far more nostalgia than any old home movie could.
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19. Your reading responses for classes often just say: “TLDNR”.
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20. You’ve gotten past the tenth page of comments on the YouTube video of that little British girl rapping with Nicki Minaj on Ellen.
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21. You can name more celebrities with leaked nude photos than American presidents.
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22. The last family argument you had was over Gchat.
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23. You haven’t read a whole book in a year, but you have read the entire Wikipedia pages for “Sleep”, “Jon Voight”, and “Yo momma (maternal insult)” today.
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24. Your day is completely made when you get a “what up my brother!!” tweet back from Mark_McGrath from Sugar Ray.
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25. You know what Da Brat is up to these days.